Take our two-minute quiz to identify and explore your ‘mindtraps’ and gain valuable tips and practices to support you in being at your best more of the time.
At work, and indeed in life, there are moments where we are at our best and thriving, where we see things clearly, have amazing conversations and make things happen. There are other times where we are not quite at our best. These highs and lows are inevitable. But what if we told you that it’s entirely possible to be at your best more of the time, and that it’s absolutely within your control? Here’s how:
We may assume that it’s the situation – the outside world – that is determining whether we are at our best or not. But in fact, it’s what is going on inside us – our attitude and our mindset – that determines whether we are thriving or not.
Ever notice that inner voice in your head that runs a commentary on everything? Sometimes it’s supportive: ‘you can do this, this idea is great’ and other times it’s not so helpful: ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, this will never work.’ This voice is what we call our ‘self-talk.’
In times of stress, we can often fall into habitual patterns of unhelpful self-talk, telling ourselves exaggerated stories about what is happening, over and over. We call these patterns ‘mindtraps.’
The great news is that as soon as you recognise your mindtrap, it’s entirely possible to get out of it through some simple practices, allowing you to be at your best more of the time.
Which mindtraps do you go into? Take our 2 minute quiz to find out. We’ll also share some simple practices to get yourself out of it.
When there is too much on your to do list and you are not at your best, you are more likely to:
When you find yourself in a difficult meeting situation and you are not at your best, you are more likely to:
When you are being pressured to deliver and you are not at your best, you are more likely to:
When something has gone wrong and you are not at your best, you are more likely to:
When a project is spiralling out of control and you are not at your best, you are more likely to:
When you are in a disagreement with others, and you are not at your best, you are more likely to:
Prover
At your best:
When you are at your best, you make things happen. You are very ambitious and driven. You are courageous, have lots of energy, make bold decisions and are not afraid to put yourself forwards.
Not at your best:
When you’re not at your best you forget to take a breath and to celebrate your successes. Instead, you keep going restlessly and at pace. You are heavily focused on the task ahead, so much so that you don’t always listen to or engage with others or take on board other people’s thoughts and feelings. You may believe you are only as good as your next success. You may feel you have to prove to others what you can do.
During a crisis, watch out for:
Trying to be the hero. Now allowing yourself time to stop and feel. Not connecting to your own feelings or empathising with others.
How to get yourself out of this trap:
When you’re in Prover-mode, you are very focused on getting things done, often trying to handle everything. The truth is, you might be feeling vulnerable and stressed. 1. Notice when you are working at a million miles an hour. Pause by taking two or three breaths and intentionally slow yourself down. 2. In this moment of slowing yourself down, remind yourself what the goal or the purpose of the project or task you are doing is. It is easy to get bogged down in the detail. Sometimes it’s important to take a step back and reconnect with the overall goals and bigger picture to see if you are prioritising and focusing on the right things. 3. Connect with your emotions and the emotions of others. Before immediately jumping into a solution, first check-in with the people around you. How are they feeling? How are you feeling? Acknowledge these feelings and take time to understand them before jumping into your solution. 4. Remember to celebrate your successes. It’s very easy to charge ahead and forget to take stock of all you have achieved so far.
Worrier
At their best:
A Worrier is brilliant at planning. They are great at thinking through details and they have a lot of foresight. They mitigate risk, solve seemingly impossible problems and are extremely conscientious.
Not at their best:
When a Worrier is not at their best, this planning can go into overdrive. They start to catastrophise and become overly cautious and risk-averse. Checking and rechecking their work, as well as the work of others, is a common impulse. Focusing on one task at a time is something they struggle with. They tell themselves that everything always goes wrong and they convince themselves they won’t be able to do anything about it. When they are not at their best they have a negative outlook about the future.
During a crisis, watch out for:
Becoming preoccupied with all the risks, the downsides and the unknowns.
How to unblock yourself:
Focus on the positives of the situation. Look at the best-case scenario, not just the worst case. How could this best-case scenario be achieved?
If you have a few ideas for potential solutions, but your nervousness is holding you back, it may help to see these solutions as experiments rather than anything fixed in stone. This may enable you to be more open to trying them out. It may take the pressure off and enable you to take more risks. Hold things more lightly. Understand that you will learn from these experiments. Focus on the goals and the positive outcomes of a project or a solution. What could change? What are the possibilities that are open to you?
Focus on techniques that will help you calm your thoughts and manage the multiple things that you are worried about. Perhaps this could involve practising meditation. Or you may prefer to write things down in a journal so that these worries are out of your head and on paper instead.
Critic
At their best:
A great quality of a Critic is their high standards. They take pride and pleasure in producing great quality work. Often visionary in their thinking, they excel at spotting opportunities. Their focus is on the future - they want their team to go far.
Not at their best:
When they are not at their best Critics are highly critical of themselves and of others. They tend to become preoccupied with the negatives and don’t acknowledge the positives. They find it hard when they make mistakes and they have a habit of undermining themselves and sometimes others. They may become judgemental and struggle to hear another perspective. They don’t feel as if they are doing enough and sometimes feel as if they or others have got it wrong.
During a crisis, watch out for:
Trying to ‘be perfect’ and judging yourself if you are not able to juggle everything. Watch out for becoming overly critical or judgemental of others who are ‘not getting’ the severity of the situation. As well as becoming overly focused on all the details.
How to unblock yourself:
During a crisis, it’s more essential than ever to collaborate and it’s hard to hold constructive conversations if you are preoccupied with the negatives. They can cloud your judgement and become prohibitive. But don’t worry, you can shift your attitude and to rebalance.
Notice if your Critic is holding you back from collaborating with others. Are you being held back because you are being critical and judging yourself, or are you judging others? Become more aware of this voice and start to observe it. What are some of the judgements you are making about you and/or other people? Write some of these statements down and ask yourself, what is really true? Is this statement 100% true? The Critic can often make sweeping dramatic statement that can obscure the truth. As a result, resentment grows and these beliefs become more entrenched. Watch out for the extremes of your inner voice. Instead, calmly analyse these judgements and tell yourself the truth.
Practise an appreciation of yourself and others. What do you appreciate about your colleagues? About a project? What have you been proud of? Exercise this positive voice rather than the judging voice.
Pleaser
At their best:
A Pleaser cares deeply about others. They are empathetic and calm, giving their time to people in difficulty without judgement. They believe we are all better when we are in harmony. They put people at the heart of everything and ensure that everyone is connected.
Not at their best:
When they are not at their best, Pleasers have a habit of saying yes to too many things. They take on too much and tend to overly focus on making other people happy, or doing things to avoid upsetting others. They sometimes hold back sharing their opinion in order to avoid conflict. They worry about what others will think of them and this can lead to them hesitating to act. They believe they have to say what people want to hear. They feel they need to be polite and friendly with everyone.
During a crisis, watch out for:
Never saying no to things and as a result, feeling overwhelmed. Trying to ensure everyone else is happy.
How to unblock yourself:
Check what your motivations are when you say yes. Is it because it’s the right thing for the organisation or because you want to please someone? Ask yourself ‘why’ you are doing something. Does it fit into the overall goal? The ‘why’ can help override existing patterns of behaviour.
Test out your ability to say no. This may involve doing an exercise in prioritisation e.g. ask your team/colleague what is more important (task A or task B). Also, don’t forget that a no could mean saying ‘I can’t do it now, but I can do it by Friday.’ You have more options than you may think. There are more answers than just a simple yes or no.
Practise being comfortable with disagreeing with others. Don’t be afraid to give your opinion even if it’s different from what others are saying. Remind yourself of the goals of the project and focus on doing what is right for these goals.
Martyr
At their best:
Martyrs are highly responsible, trusting and caring towards others. They want to make a difference and to fight for what they believe in. They involve everyone and they build movements for change.
Not at their best:
When they are not at their best, they have a habit of taking on too much, more than they can manage. They sacrifice their own needs for others. They spend time doing what others expect or want them to do and this can ultimately lead to resentment. At work, as a leader, they may not hold someone else to account. At home, parents can sometimes lose themselves as they prioritise the needs of their children. A common belief of a Martyr is that they can’t have what they want until they have earned the right to it. They tell themselves they ‘just have to get on with it’ because it’s their duty and they mustn’t be selfish. They believe their needs are not as important as others.
During a crisis, watch out for:
Burn out because you’ve taken on too much work and responsibility.
How to unblock yourself:
When you start to resent taking on too much, the first thing to do is to notice and acknowledge these feelings. Take a breath.
Explore your competing commitments and your assumptions behind these commitments. Why are you taking on certain projects, tasks, commitments? What do you assume will happen if you don’t? You can’t always do everything to the level you may want to. Also, what are you not getting that you need? You may feel that your needs always come last. What would enable your needs to come first? Examine your choices. Put realistic steps in place that would enable you to look after your own needs e.g. if you want to have more time for exercise, a first step could be to go for a 10 mins jog every week (rather than committing to a run three times a week).
Hold others to account. At work or at home, start to get clear on accountability. What jobs are you holding others to account for? Ask others for help in moments of overwhelm. People aren’t mind readers, they don’t know when you are over-committing. Therefore you need to share this if you want things to change.
Avoider
At their best:
An Avoider has some great qualities when they are at their best. For example they are fair, respectful and caring. They have integrity and promote equality and well being for all. They want to make sure their team and organisation are doing the right thing. They are someone would would provoke a different way of looking at things and they are great at raising questions and sense-checking an idea.
Not at their best:
When they are not at their best, an Avoider has a habit of not taking action and letting a situation get worse, only facing it when they are forced to. They may complain and question why others aren’t fixing things. They blame others and relinquish any responsibility. They may tell themselves ‘it’s not for me to do something about it’ or ‘I can’t do anything about it.’ Their negative feelings may rub off on others and more and more people may start to lose faith in the project.
During a crisis, watch out for:
Hiding and hoping it gets better. Believing there is nothing that can be done about this.
How to unblock yourself:
When you notice you are in Avoider-mode, explore what you can control and focus your time and energy on this. (Don’t waste energy focusing on what you can’t control). What can you own? What can you change? What can you influence?
Rather than blaming others, step into someone else’s shoes. Look at things from their perspective and see if this shifts your perspective of a situation. This takes practice and can be hard when you are entrenched in Avoider-mode. But with practice, it may start to open up some new perspectives as well as solutions.
Be mindful of the impact you are having on others when you are in Avoider-mode. Seek feedback from others, both the positives and the things you could improve. How are you being helpful to the group and how are you being unhelpful? When people are in Avoider-mode, they tend to talk to people who share similar beliefs and this can reinforce their own view. Rather than reinforcing your view, try to look for opposites of that view.
Share your Results:
To find more practices and tips, see our guide to Leading in a Crisis.
A bit about us…
BRIDGE is a global consultancy specialising in leadership and organisational development. For the past 30 years, we’ve had the privilege of being a trusted partner to dozens of brands. We are known for creating highly immersive and award-winning solutions that result in an extraordinary shift in mindset. We convert complex psychological theory into simple, accessible concepts and practices that our clients can use every day.
Feel free to get in touch: stephanie.cunnah@bridge-partnership.com